How to Create a Safe Space in a Break Up
When we’re going through a break up our life feels like it’s turned upside down. Our insides are broken, screaming, lost, and every other negative emotion in between. Life feels dark and unsafe, and we feel like it will last that way forever.
Because of all of these reasons, it makes it so much more important to create a safe place on the outside to resemble some sort of safety and peace on the inside. Below are some ways to create the most peace you can during this hectic time in life.
Cleanse out your place:
I would highly recommend doing this with a friend or family member but as soon as you can go through your house and take down all of the photos with your ex, take down an knick knacks that you remind you of them, hide away any gifts or souvenirs from things you do together. I know this is hard but if it makes you feel any better you can put everything in a box and just stash it away.
Once you’ve cleansed it’s time to brighten it up:
Replace the photos you took out of your ex of photos with your best friends or family members, you don’t want a bunch of blank frames. Go out and buy something you may have always wanted in your place but you knew your ex would hate it. Get some candles or incense and make your place feel like a sanctuary.
Have people around, a lot:
There’s absolutely no reason to face a break up in isolation. You may not want to be around people but this is the time to practice contrary action and act as if. Invite friends over, go for a walk with friends, it doesn’t have to involve money but just try to keep yourself in good company as often as you can. Also be aware of who you have surrounding you, surround yourself with people who bring you joy, energy, and love- not those who judge, suck energy from the room, or are super negative.
Get a calendar and use it:
This will be helpful for a few reasons, I would recommend getting a big calendar to have either on your wall or big on your desk and write down things you have planned coming up. This will consistently give you something to look forward to when your life feels bleak. Also make sure you’re taking notice if you have too many days without plans and pick up the phone to make some plans.
Beware of what you’re listening to:
The first 3 months of my break up I couldn’t listen to the radio, it was too risky that a sappy song would come on or “our song” would come on and I would have a meltdown. I actually really rarely listening to music in the very beginning, I listened to a lot of stand up comedy which you can find on pretty much any streaming service- podcasts are always a great option.
Beware of what you’re consuming in general:
Don’t spend a ton of time on Instagram scrolling through photos of “happy” couples and making yourself feel awful. We call that “emotional cutting” and it can be so detrimental to recovering from a break up. Also don’t watch movies like The Notebook or anything involving Nicholas Sparks. With the world as it is today we can control what we consume. Put on a funny show or movie, I also watched a ton of stand up comedy when I was going through my stuff. Also, with social media you can unfollow or snooze a particular person if you don’t want to see their posts for a month.
Do everything you can to make yourself feel loved:
Buy yourself flowers every week at the grocery store, buy some bath bombs for a bubble bath, cook a really nice dinner for yourself, get a nice pair of pajamas to lay around in, write yourself love notes on the mirror. Whatever feels good, do that.
As mentioned in previous blog posts, there are many things that are outside of our control during a break up but creating a safe place for you is something you do have power over. Make a list of all of the things you do or have that make you feel good and start creating that for yourself.